Can You Believe?

Have you ever had the feeling you weren’t alone when you were the only one in the room?

Have you ever thought you heard someone call your name when there wasn’t anyone there but you?

Have you ever known something was going to happen before it happened?

Do you believe there is more than what you can see, hear, touch, taste or smell?

I’ll admit to all of the above and then some.

Intuition, sixth sense, call it what you will, I believe there are some who are blessed with abilities we can’t understand.  I also believe each of us has some ability to tap into that area of the unknown, especially when needed.

I’ll often get the feeling someone’s there and the feeling usually starts with chills.  I’ll look behind me thinking it’s Hubby or the cat but nope, no one’s there, that I can see.

Just the feeling there’s someone there.

I still remember the time I woke up screaming because someone grabbed my shoulder and shook it until I was awake.  It was definitely a hand and I felt it even after I was awake.  My banshee scream had Hubby up and ready for battle but there was no one to fight.  In case you’re thinking it was just Hubby reaching out in his sleep, he was facing away from me and I was curled up facing his back.

That scared the shit out of him, and definitely me, but he told me I was probably dreaming.  He was able to go right back to sleep but I lay there wondering who it was that was trying to get my attention and why.  I even got out of bed to check on our eldest son who was a baby at that time.  This incident happened when we were living in the old farm house where Hubby was raised.

I used to hear someone call my name.  The kids would be napping, no television or radio on, just me and my book and I’d hear her call me by name.  Now, at that time in the late 1970’s, there was a local well-known psychic who had a weekly radio show.  Looking back, it was funny how I never had any trouble getting through to him each and every time I call in to the radio station.  I also remember how he’d be spot on in what he told me.

When I asked him about the lady I’d hear calling my name he told me I already knew who it was, just answer her and ask her what she wants.  He was correct.  I knew it was my Grandmother but my mind said that couldn’t be possible, she had been dead for years.  By the time I was ready to answer her she stopped calling out to me.

I knew the day my Dad was going to die because I “saw” something that morning.  I drove my mother nuts because I kept calling her by telephone all day asking how Dad was feeling.  Each time I called she told me Dad was having a good day and feeling much better.  Until he died that afternoon.

I was sitting beside my mother-in-law’s bed at the moment she died and saw her look up as if someone entered the room.  I felt it too, a slight movement of air and also looked up to see who it was.  There was no one there.  She was the only one who could see whoever it was that came to show her the way home.  My brother-in-law shared that experience with me.

What I’m about to share now is the absolute truth.  It happened, I don’t understand how or why, because it was just that one time but it did happen.

I was 16 at the time.  My sister Andrea, who was 13, was living in New Jersey with Mom’s sister and her family.  It was early evening and we were gathered in the living room watching a show on the television which was on a stand in the corner next to a window.  Something drew my attention towards the window and I saw my sister Andrea’s face and she was crying.

I immediately knew something was wrong.

A few minutes later the telephone rang and it was Mom’s sister calling to let Mom and Dad know that Andrea had run away and that the Police had been contacted and were searching for her.

That was the beginning of a very strange night full of worry, fear and confusion.

Throughout the evening and early morning hours I saw things like tree lined streets, houses, lamp lit streets with businesses closed for the night.  I saw the rain soaked sidewalks and felt the moist, chill air.  I heard the sounds of passing vehicles.  I felt so afraid and had no understanding of what was happening.

At one point in the early morning hours I had to use the bathroom.  As I pushed open the door to enter the darkened room I was overcome by such a sense of fear.  I heard music playing; tinny, old-fashioned music, the sound of people talking and laughing, I smelled the odor of cigarette smoke and alcohol, heard the clinking of glasses.  I could not bring myself to go into the bathroom so I backed out into the kitchen and slowly closed the door.  I saw a building with colored lights in the windows and a sign with the word “Tin” flashing.

Mom was talking to Aunt Dell at that time and I knew I finally had to tell her what had been happening, everything I was seeing and hearing, even though I doubted she’d believe me.  I had no idea what was going on but I felt a sense of urgency so I told her everything and she in turn told Aunt Dell.

I’m not sure how much later it was, but Aunt Dell called again, this time to tell Mom Andrea had been found.

She was outside a Bar and Grill called the Tin Lizzy, huddled up against the building, wanting to get out of the chilly rain but afraid to enter.   I knew then that I was feeling what she was feeling when I had tried to go into our bathroom.

My sister and I somehow connected with each other in a way that, to this day, I still don’t understand.  I don’t know if she reached out to me or I to her but I was there with her, sharing what she was going through, seeing and hearing what she did, feeling what she felt.  Certainly, through the years, there were times when I had the feeling something was wrong and I’d reach out to her or go see her, but nothing like that particular time.

I really wish it had happened again because I’ve always wondered why I didn’t have a clue as to what was happening to her the night she collapsed three years ago.  I finally came to believe the answer was so simple.  It wasn’t meant to happen again; that was a journey she had to take alone.

As I’m writing this I also realize she did reach out one last time; not to let us know she was in trouble but to let us know she was alright.

We were all with her when she was removed from life support but sister #4 knew she wouldn’t go anywhere without her make-up and teeth.  Sister #2’s daughter put her teeth in and sister #4’s daughter fixed her eyebrows and applied her lipstick.  If you knew Andrea you would understand.  Her hair was always perfectly styled and her make-up just a sperfect so it makes sense she wouldn’t go anywhere without looking her best.

Not even to go to Heaven.

Just as my niece finished applying Andrea’s lipstick I saw a “shimmer” rise up from my sister and suddenly she looked like she was 30 years old and so beautiful and peaceful.  I believe what I saw was my sister’s soul leave her body as she took her last breath.  This time I wasn’t the only one to see something.  Sister #4 and her daughter also saw this and were taken by surprise not knowing what was happening.  “What’s that, what’s happening” Sister #4 kept repeating.  “Can you see that” she asked the others.

“I saw it” I told her.  No one else saw anything.  We were the lucky ones.

In that moment I knew what had happened.  Andrea had reached out to us one last time and showed us something beautiful, something to remember and hold close, showing us that death isn’t the end but the beginning.

I write things down, stuff I won’t or can’t say to someone, ideas, feelings, things that happen in my world.  I don’t share everything.  It’s never been easy for me to open up to others, even my own family.  I’ve found the courage to share with you now a few special moments I’ve experienced, memories I’ll never forget.

I will also share my belief that there is more to life than what you can see, hear touch, smell or taste.  You just have to be able to accept it when it happens.

And believe.


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